stress

i'm having a stressful day. i'm frustrated with life. some days i curse myself for not having the courage to pursue my life when i was younger. it's difficult being 26, trying to go to school, work a full time adult job, and have a life. i work at a job that steals all of the hours of my life 5 days a week. while it affords me to have the money to live it doesn't afford me the time. attempting to squeeze your life into the hours of 6 to 10 is nearly impossible. sleep gets sacrificed, friends ignored, homework put aside. when am i suppose to have time for me? time to do the things i need to do? time to just sit and read a book? all the time everyone else seems to have. by the time i get home and eat dinner, it's nearly time for bed.

i never feel as if i can relax. there is always something else i need to be doing, someone else to see, someone to call. i'm envious of people who go to school full time, work part time, and actually have time to do their homework and see their friends and live their life. i want to have to opportunity to finish school so i can continue on with my life. which is yet another ailing problem on my mind.

i have four hours of time every night to fit my life into and the looming near future to be pondering what to do with.

stress.

two suns

i went home last night with relaxation as my only goal. i spent the evening primping and pampering and curled up in my bed with a cup of coffee. so, i'd have to say "goal achieved". unfortunately though my dear ladies have all been sick recently and I now think i'm coming down with something too. i decided to not care what anyone thinks and brought my aroma therapy bed buddy to work today. it smells something like lavender and burnt rice, but it makes my lower back feel a little less uncomfortable, so i'd say it's worth it. i'll spend the rest of the day sipping hot tea and keeping up on cold medication. my family is coming to visit me this weekend, which is amazing since it's never happened before. so hopefully I can hold off this sickness, at least through the weekend.

i bought a new camera last weekend and i'm getting anxious to put it to some use. i'm a longtime, satisfied fujifilm customer and my first time canon purchase is making me a bit nervous, but i'm sure i'll love it. it'll just take some getting use to. hopefully the frigid temperatures will subside so i can finally put it to use.
some

i purchased some new tunes last night that i'm pretty excited to listen to today. somewhere along the line i fell behind in regards to keeping up with new music and most of all with keeping up with the artists i already love. due to general business and time and distance constraints i've found it hard to make it to a music store and i've found it hard to become use to digital music purchases. no longer do i have to pick and choose from what the record store can offer me, i now have it all at my finger tips. i could have it all! alas, i don't think that my pocket book would be too happy with me though. so, i have a lot of catching up to do. last night i became the proud owner of the following:
~bat for lashes-two suns
~devendra banhart-rejoicing in the hands
and
~orenda fink-ask the night
so far i've only managed to listen to bat for lashes, which was probably the purchase i was most excited about. fur and gold is one of my all time favorite albums, this purchase has been a long time coming. i love it so far, but i already knew i would. here's a video for your viewing pleasure:

Bat For Lashes, "Glass" (Live @ Bowery Ballroom, 4.30.09) from self-titled on Vimeo.

holidays complete. new year begun.

I've successfully completed and survived the holidays and a new year has begun. we've been receiving more than our fair share of snow here lately and there is still more on the way. I found myself snowed in at my mothers over the Christmas holiday. I spent my time in captivity sitting in my pajamas, sipping coffee, eating cookies, and enjoying free cable. It felt cozy to be relaxing in my old living room and made it more apparent to me that my new home still doesn't feel like home. i miss that feeling of comfort, I've found it hard to really ever be at peace without it.

it's a new year and looking back I'm proud of all the leaps and bounds i made in 2009. Though I'm still not the person i ultimately wish to become, there is a lot of work to be done and i am well on my way. I quit making resolutions sometime ago, but if I were to make one this year it would be to continue with all the work from the last years. It's gotten me this far.