elsewhere

taking a familiar drive (one of my favorites) on a night seemingly reminiscent of fall. only appropriate to listen to the music that reminds me of those autumn and winter evenings, convenient the cd was waiting for me in my new vehicle even though i haven't listened to it in months.

just as it really starts to set in i drive past a home with christmas lights on. it's august. and now it all feels more familiar than it should ever be allowed to. my mind remained elsewhere on the drive home, just as it's been for days. i've been really unable to grasp how it is i feel about life in general, as ridiculous as that sounds. mostly looking back to an event in my life that remains unexplained. i keep searching my mind for reason. i find none. i need it. that's just me.

and just as i approach home i pass another house, christmas lights glowing, just making sure it stays in the foreground of my mind.

illogical august evening.

not been sleeping well recently and having terribly vivid dreams, leaving me exhausted. insomnia always sneaking back in just when i think it's finally gone. other than that life's been kind to me lately. i was thinking back on motto's from last summer and this whole self-improvement project i had going on. i'm still a work in progress, but i'm closer to the person i want to be and should be.

going to keep picking myself up and dusting myself off, forever, until i get it right, until one day all of this makes sense.
because i can't lose hope that it will.